When God Only Knows Where I Put It

Dave Ramsey talks about the “G. O. K.” fund in one of his classes. As in, “Gee, that’s OK,” and “God Only Knows,” simultaneously.

Here’s a snippet from Facebook this past week on my spiritual growth lately. I seem to need to grow in peace with finances. Which… that’s why I started this poor neglected blog.

Praising God for knowledge-here’s a snippet of the life adventure that keeps me hanging out with crazy charismatical Christians…lol

I have had a couple of debit cards that haven’t made it back into my card wallet after I rushed through some shopping trips this week. I remembered using a couple over the weekend but hadn’t seen all of them together for a week. I also went through a really terrible episode of PMS this past weekend and forgot my coupon binder full of valuable coupons at Walmart.

In times like this I tend to get really anxious and have a very hard time focusing on looking for anything… I start feeling a strong sense of guilt first. Then I remember losing 90% of my first ever paycheck in a purse that was never recovered from a movie theater. I start to think of lost joy in purchases and lost ability to pay for bills.

The guilt of wasting family resources gets pretty crippling, and I struggle to get through normal daily tasks.

We knew the babies got into things this weekend when I was at church and Bryan was alone, but I still had a nagging fear that I lost the coupon book Aaaaaaand my cards. Or lost the cards when picking up the coupon book

In this stressy and obsessive state it’s enormously tempting to look to a prophetic friend or leader and beg for a word of knowledge about where the items are. After all, God knows where they are. Why not beg R Loren Sandford to ask for me and solve my problem?

Well… it’s complex.

Prophetic humans are complex. To connect to God properly you really need the creator’s love for people so you can sense why He acts like he does and what He’s trying to teach them. I’ve met me when I’m panicked. And while I know Loren loves the Lord enough to try to answer well when he doesn’t want to, I have also seen human sinfulness make other prophetic leaders frustrated and out if touch with what God was doing and changing in me. So leaning into their solutions took me farther away from even what I did know of God.

Second-what really is the problem? Getting a solution to frustration blocks me from taking a God’s eye view of that. Is it worse that I failed to keep trakc of the resources, or that I got so busy I can’t think? Am I afraid of losing the money, or admitting to agencies that I need a replacement card? And why is it that a woman who was baptized three decades ago needs a go-between to know God? Is that even right? So if I ask God about the cards, am I missing a bigger treasure?????

Finally, those who have made their hearts certain that God answers them talk a loooooooot about getting into a place where you actually hear God through the stress. Since I have a lot of experience with how badly I react under stress, that scares me. But if I got an answer, that would be a huge witness to me of what God is like.

I was almost asleep tonight and sleepily walking myself through the steps it would take to replace my wallet contents. Then I had a thought I hadn’t had before. It was a really wise thought I hadn’t had all day while moving giant beds and the piano. I had been thinking about how I had looked everywhere already and needed to move on to replace cards.

“The babies were in here with Bryan. They could easily have taken them into the closet and climbed behind things, and I wouldn’t think to look there, because it’s a toddler path and not a grownup path.”

Welp yeah. Wow.

When wisdom like that hits my brain I start looking for how God is touching my life. Especially when it goes against the main stream of thought I am having (I’m ready to move on from searching)

If that was God, I wasn’t going to waste a second.

“Where’s the blue debit card?” I prayed…

Then “I” wondered-have you looked under the dollhouse?

Well- I might have. But maybe not. It was a concrete step. I made actually certain to lift it and look under it….

Where….

I saw zero cards.

So. No God? Just a case of the crazies?

That’s the worst feeling.

But I didn’t have time for that feeling before my stuff started sliding to the back of the dollhouse and I had to rapidly tip it back forwards to keep my pills from falling back behind Bryan’s dresser.

That intrigued me, because I was still praying and waiting.

I shoved the dresser forward rapidly and saw all the cards I was missing, and some that I had forgotten to miss.

Hearing God is not in the words. Doing what the words say won’t get you as far as looking for what the words are attempting to set you up for will. It takes a lot of peace and I’m not always good at it. But yay for finding things with God.

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